Queen Elizabeth said, \u201cGrief is the price we pay for love.\u201d One author noted, \u201cGrief and love are conjoined, you don\u2019t get one without the other.\u201d Grief is a normal, natural part of losing someone you love. However, it\u2019s not a place you want to stay or get stuck. It is a valley we pass through, a process of healing and recovery which takes time.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
After burying my father recently on my birthday, I compare grief to a thief that sneaks up on you at unexpected moments. Grief tries to steal your attention, joy, sleep, and peace of mind. Tears can be triggered instantly by a sight, a sound, a smell, a song, or a memory that pops up out of nowhere. You can be perfectly fine one minute and completely fall apart the next. Several people consoled me saying it was terrible to have to bury my dad on my birthday. I was okay with it because it was one of the last things I could do for him. After all he had done for me, it was my high honor to return a small favor.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I am so grateful I was able to be with my father when he passed on August 13th. He lived 600 miles away in Tampa where I was born and raised. We had recently celebrated his 94th birthday at a family reunion in Orlando back in May. We weren\u2019t sure how much more time he had left, so we drove down to Florida in July to spend a few days with him. When we heard of his rapid decline, me and my five siblings flew or drove to Tampa from five different states.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
When we arrived on Tuesday, August 11th, we were surprised to see dad was coherent and he recognized us. So, we were hopeful he would bounce back and pull through. Then he had a rough night, and by the next morning, it was obvious he was dying. As we lingered around his bedside, hospice nurses came and went, a chaplain came and prayed, men from his church prayer group visited and prayed. A musical therapist played a guitar and sang several old Gospel hymns dad used to lead at our church where we grew up. It was a special time as God\u2019s peace and presence permeated the room. We tried our best to sing along through a river of tears.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All day long we kept a vigil at his side. Same story the next day. Hour upon hour we watched dad breathe, hoping for any signs of recovery. Nothing but shallower and slower breathing. Thursday night (August 13th) rolled around and I began to tell him goodnight, that I loved him, and I began to pray something like, \u201cLord, dad is Your child and You know what is best for him. We know You are able to raise him up and restore him back to health or You can take him on home so he doesn\u2019t suffer anymore. We release him into Your hands. Your kingdom come, Your will be done. . .\u201d The whole prayer may have lasted a minute or two, but before I could say amen, dad gently breathed his last breath and slipped into eternity.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We had a Daystar program playing on the TV beside his bed. He loved this particular show called \u201cReflections,\u201d and often watched it while he ate breakfast as his morning devotion. It features gorgeous scenery, soft Gospel music, and Scriptures superimposed on the screen. Moments before dad\u2019s last breath, I noticed the song softly playing on the TV, \u201cSwing low sweet chariot, coming for to carry me home . . . I looked over Jordan and what did I see . . . a band of angels coming after me, coming for to carry me home . . .\u201d I was struck by the perfect timing. Then, right after dad drifted off into heavenly peace, I looked up and saw a Scripture pop up on the screen. It was Jesus\u2019 pledge to the thief on the cross, \u201cI promise that today you will be with Me in paradise\u201d<\/em> (Lk. 23:43). What a perfect passage for that specific moment! Some may say it was just a coincidence, but I will always believe it was Providence, God\u2019s subtle way of confirming His presence with us and dad\u2019s transfer to glory.<\/p>\n\n\n\n I\u2019ve preached hundreds of funerals in over thirty years of pastoral work, but it feels totally different when it\u2019s your <\/em>dad lying in the casket. Thankfully, God gave me and others the grace to give him a fitting tribute with full military honors. The toughest moment came during the visitation time. We had the mortician put dad\u2019s fabric phone holster on his belt that he always wore. We had a long-running family joke that \u201cGod was on the throne, and dad was on the phone.\u201d Dad was a hardware business owner for over 60 years, so he spent a lot of time calling suppliers, customers, and colleagues. As I placed his phone in the holster in the casket with him, a wave of grief hit me as I suddenly realized we\u2019d never be able to call or text him again. The weekly calls and daily texts were over, and the family texting threads with dad\u2019s phone number in them would go silent.<\/p>\n\n\n\n A month has flown by now as life goes on. I have sensed the Holy Spirit\u2019s comfort surround me like a warm blanket. I am happy for dad and so relieved he is no longer suffering. I find peace in knowing he is with Jesus enjoying all the blessings of heaven. Yet it still doesn\u2019t diminish the fact that it hurts to let him go. There is a lingering emptiness, an internal ache, a void in our hearts from missing this great man we all loved so dearly. \u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n Grief is defined as \u201ckeen mental suffering, distress, or sorrow over affliction or loss.\u201d Author Jamie Anderson expressed, \u201cGrief, I\u2019ve learned, is really just love. It\u2019s all the love you want to give but cannot. All of that unspent love gathers up in the corners of your eyes, the lump in your throat, and in that hollow part of your chest. Grief is love with no place to go.\u201d Grief is the absence of presence, the hole left behind by the pain of loss. Grief is not a sign of weakness, nor a lack of faith; it\u2019s the price of love. Author Stephen Levine wrote, \u201cLoss is the absence of something we were once attached to. Grief is the rope burns left behind, when that which is held is pulled beyond our grasp.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n Again, grief is natural, normal, and necessary. Just don\u2019t let grief be a thief that paralyzes you to the point where you can\u2019t function. Don\u2019t allow grief to turn into despair. Keep looking to the future with faith, not fear. God is with you. \u201cThe Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit\u201d<\/em> (Ps. 34:18, NASB). Besides, we could never know God as our Comforter unless we experience seasons of sorrow when we need His comfort. Paul wrote that we, as Christians, grieve too, but not like sinners who have no hope. We find comfort in knowing death is not the end, just a new beginning, a promotion, and a graduation (1 Th. 4:13-18). Yes, grief is a greedy thief, but God is the cop who can arrest it and give us peace.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Queen Elizabeth said, \u201cGrief is the price we pay for love.\u201d One author noted, \u201cGrief and love are conjoined, you don\u2019t get one without the other.\u201d Grief is a normal, natural part of losing someone you love. However, it\u2019s not a place you want to stay or get stuck. It is a valley we pass […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":3,"featured_media":1075,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","_monsterinsights_skip_tracking":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1073","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"aioseo_notices":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1073","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/3"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=1073"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1073\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":1080,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1073\/revisions\/1080"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/media\/1075"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=1073"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=1073"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.goodspringsfgc.org\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=1073"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}